RANDOM EVENING THOUGHT 1

University of Malaya. Renown university in Malaysia. 8 years ago, never even once in my life I thought of studying here. I don’t event thought of pursuing a degree because at that age, I don’t even know what I want to do in life.

When we were young, we were always been asked of what our ambition is, as in what job we want to when we become adult. As a normal kid, like the rest, I changed my ambition from one to another. I believe, we all start with the intention of wanted to become a teacher. Maybe because when we go to school, first career that we see as cool is teacher. As we grow, we changed our interest, and we happen to see a cooler career. As for me I want to be a doctor, and then my elder sister pursues her study in engineering, so I think that is cooler than a doctor, so I want to be an engineer. But, when I was 12 years old, I read a magazine which I forgot what the name was, there was an article about a female pilot. She happened to be the first female pilot for Malaysia Airlines as previously Malaysia Airline did not recruit female pilot. I was so inspired by the story and decided that this is much much cooler than being a doctor or an engineer. Hence, I stick with the ambition to become a pilot until I graduated secondary school. Only after secondary school I see that I do not have the eligibility to become a pilot.

The interest to become a pilot is pretty much still here, even to these days. But, after I graduate school, I do some research and found out that you must be of certain heights which I am not, and you must be rich or at least your parents are rich for you to afford the fee at the piloting school. Of course, the latter reason is the strongest reason why I give up trying to be a pilot. Even till at this very moment, I still do not have that plenty of money to register myself into a piloting school. I guess it is a good plan written for me, because if I am a pilot today, I going to be the first to be laid off because of the pandemic.

I went to Form 6. The most uncool place to further your Pre-University in Malaysia. Many people will respond with “STPM is hard, right? You manage to survive it. You must be so smart.” But the truth is, I know the realized they are better than me because they went to Foundation Studies, Matriculation, or a Diploma, or an A-Level. But yes, I graduated from Form 6 with CGPA of 3.83 and I secured a place in the Faculty of Law, University of Malaya.

The reason why I signed up for this course is because I want to do something professional too. As many of my schoolmate, secondary school to be specific, further their degree in Medicine, Engineering, Pharmacist and many other cool science courses like Actuarial Science, IT and so on. As I am crazy bad at science, and mathematics, I see that Law is the only professional course that I can go for without the need to learn science or mathematics anymore.

Little that I know that this course is a whole new different thing. Yes, of course it doesn’t require you to learn science and math anymore. But how the law work is tricky and critical thinking is always required for you to be able to fully absorb the required understanding of this field. In another word, it is just as hard as other science courses that I cannot do. I’m not saying I cannot do law too, but honestly; I am not good at it either. I never fail any subjects so far, therefore I guess I am doing fine. But I never really score A for most of the subjects. I am just an okay student. I attended classes, completed my course works, submitted my assignment, and I am not a free rider in group tasks. Hence, I think I’m doing okay.

It was hard at first to, you know, really understand how does this work on the case. My first year of studying law, one time before the final paper, I cried. Like, what the hell is going on? Why am I here doing this course which I have totally no idea about? When I got into my second year of study, I started to enjoy it even though this year, I flop most of the subjects pulling my CGPA to the ground. If people know my pointer, I understand if they question whether I really graduated from UM.

Two and half year of physical classes, COVID-19 attacked with no mercy, forcing the whole world to stay at home and classes got postponed as well. So, I went back to my hometown, and here we are almost two years later, we are still at home. At least I am still at home. One year and a half of online learning, really took away a big chunk of my degree life. Finished my last paper for final in front of the laptop, with a cup of warm black coffee, accompanied with the view of my mom’s curry and banana trees. Sad? It’s a lie if I say no.

As much as I almost don’t want to do law anymore, I manage to finish it with the smallest portion of motivation left to keep me going. It was hard. Hardest ever. Sounds very simple, right? Just sit down and stare into your computer screen. Very simple till we forgot that words that are easy said is always hardest to do.

Alhamdulillah. I finish it and I am taking a very long rest. Whatever next in life, must wait until I really figure out what I want to do and why I want to do it. I am 24 now, no longer a child who do things because it looks cool. I am an adult, and my life ahead must come with a decision that will give me the drive to continue living. Insya Allah.